亲密关系的五个维度

自从Xavier暗恋上Gina之后,爱情和亲密关系成为我们一个经常讨论的话题。随着他的青春期的临近,也开始讨论起性和爱的关系。每次讨论,他还是很不好意思的,所以每次讨论的时候,我努力用一种心不在焉闲聊的形式。有一次偶然发现他在搜索”How to make love without parent knowing”,我内心一惊,在“不经意”的情况下,暗示了他安全套在便利店的哪里可以找到。

他问我,什么时候可以有女朋友呢?我告诉他,现在就可以,只要你自己觉得准备好了,也有合适的人选了,就可以。我分享了自己觉得爱情是人生中最复杂的一个关系之一,可以在这个关系中学到很多很多,还可以了解自己。我也分享了,这些年来我对亲密关系的一个总结和思考:

Soulmate (灵魂伴侣,三观相近,发生深刻的共鸣)
Soulmates connect on a spiritual and romantic level. There’s an ingrained, intense chemistry between them — open communication of deep feelings is completely comfortable for both of them. They readily embrace each other’s flaws.
灵魂伴侣在灵魂和浪漫层面产生

Mindmate(心智伴侣,智力和认知水平对等,能深层次探讨)
Mindmates choose each other with great deliberation. Intense intellectual intercourse occurs between them, usually about philosophy, science or great books:- both inspiring their partners into novel and innovative ways of thinking.

Helpmate (协同伴侣,相互协同帮助,伙伴关系)
Helpmates are completely supportive of their partner’s endeavours and ambitions. They will always be ‘there’ for their partners, finding each other very reliable and trustworthy.

Playmate (玩伴侣,一起探索世界,共享兴趣)
Everything is an adventure with this mate, and both playmates feel extreme excitement when around each other; there’s never a dull moment.

Sexmate (性伴侣,一起随着自己原始的脉动而跳跃和舞蹈)
Both sexmates feel strong sexual resonance and the attraction of each other. Be able to accomapny each other to explore universe of their bodies. And feel comfortable with each other’s sexual boundaries.

我们人生对亲密关系的需求基本上可以用上面这5各维度去看,去分析。当我们去邂逅,去选择,去相知,去相爱的时候,除了在享受情感上上的跌宕起伏所带来的愉悦之外,也可以从理性上问问自己,为什么,为什么和她在一起那么开心和满足。也许可以从这个框架上面找到答案。找到合适自己的亲密关系,除了要聆听自己内心,也要询问自己的理性,这是一个感性和理性结合的艺术之作。

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